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Friday, September 16, 2005

went for hall bash the nite before...was the best n worst night ever for me...i reali let lose man....dance so wildly....wanted to get drunk but unfortunately, i did not....coulden imagine hw i will behave if i were drunk...i got so high...n as usual, i got everyone to dance with me...haha....danced non sto for 3 hrs....yes!!!!!!
i almost gone crazy....knowing that he shld keep a distance from me.....tok n danced with everyone except me!..fine....so i danced with everyone except him too.!!!!
i really scared serene out when i finally teared on her shlder....i cant take it any more....
i noe tt i am juz putting myself in this manner....i can juz pretend tt nuting hapened....do nt have to feel sad....but.......all humans are like this...alwaz like to find things to sadden demselves u.....a sucker for pain i would sae....haiz.......
wen we were leaving...as usual, i have jinxian to help me as i could not balance my walk....bothers abt jieling n others except for me....haiz..........................
sat at one corner to cool myself dwn...trying to keep my mind clear....
all of them forbid me to go for supper with them but i insisted....
sat in the same cab with leong dey all....my head was spinning and yet sumting is tuanting my mind....a devil telling me" i shld make known"
and yes..the devil succeeded....i pluck out the courage to initiate a msg.....
the msg which expressed hw i feel lately.....i was caught in between whether to send it anot....
after a min of struggle...i pressed the send button.....anf yes, i noe there is no turning bk this time....
as predicted....i got the reply that i would dread to receive.....but for once, i felt relieved....relieved that i could finally put this burden dwn....knowing that he is non the less interested in me....but i being stubborn will juz continue to be stubborn.....i wlden mind even if its futile....
the oni ting tt i m worried is whether he will remain as good with me anot....ask me nt to treat him gd....treat him like a superficial fren? hw can......
i am nw tring to get bk to my normal mode which is to treat him as gd.....but without harbouring any tots on my mind already....n i hope i can do it.....
i am really really really relieved that i did tt.....

..................................................................................PHEW............................................................................

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cheerful.always sensitive.always hope to be carefreetreasure frenships alot.pessimistic at times.

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.....Just be HAPPY and you will be HAPPY....
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